I've been thinking a lot about Narcissism in the past few days. Why? It probably has something to do with my obsession with productivity.
When I get up in the morning, the first few things I think of are what my needs and wants are. "What do I want to do today," or "what do I want for breakfast," or "what should I wear." I realize that this is usually normal activity; however it really is narcissistic in nature. Why aren't my initial thoughts.. "How can I make a difference in someone's life today?"
The reason that this has come to my attention is because of my To-Do list. I try and make one everyday and get most (if not all) of it accomplished. I can get so bogged down on being productive that I often forget about enjoying myself in the process. What is the point then?? Even if I do cross off everything on my To-Do list, I'm hardly satisfied. Hmm, "Now what?" What did I accomplish besides a few important things? Were they even that important?
What are we all doing with our lives when it comes to our To-Do lists?
If (when) I make one tomorrow, the first thing I hope it will say is to challenge myself in a way I've never done before..in a way that will help someone else. Sounds cheesy, but whatever.
I'm going to go finish mine..before I have a panic attack
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
personal artifacts
As I try and get my life back in order, I realize that there is much to do. So much in fact. Whether its cleaning out my closet or organizing my photo collection...there are never-ending projects all around me.
To begin with, I really don't know why people keep so many things. I'm definitely one of those people who stashes away every paper they've ever written, just "in case I want to read it again someday." Hmm..and I really going to want to read that creative writing piece about my cat again? It makes me cringe just to read the title, "Whiskers." Just glancing up at my closet right now, I can see dozens of binders from high school and maybe from even before then. I kinda just want to burn it all. Then I wouldn't even know what I'm missing. Sometimes I feel the same way about my clothes..just so I could start all over again.
I also don't know what to do with the art. I have so many half finished art pieces & picture albums that are just sitting in random corners of my room. Why do I even start these projects. They're useless.
To begin with, I really don't know why people keep so many things. I'm definitely one of those people who stashes away every paper they've ever written, just "in case I want to read it again someday." Hmm..and I really going to want to read that creative writing piece about my cat again? It makes me cringe just to read the title, "Whiskers." Just glancing up at my closet right now, I can see dozens of binders from high school and maybe from even before then. I kinda just want to burn it all. Then I wouldn't even know what I'm missing. Sometimes I feel the same way about my clothes..just so I could start all over again.
I also don't know what to do with the art. I have so many half finished art pieces & picture albums that are just sitting in random corners of my room. Why do I even start these projects. They're useless.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Hunger Gene Van Buren
People often tell me to slow down. Whether it's driving, walking, or eating..generally I move fast.
I'm currently sitting at a local coffee shop scrunched uncomfortably between two tables. The men sitting at these tables BOTH have bagels & cream cheese sitting in front of them while reading the paper. I do not understand how people can leave food on their plates for long (or even short) periods of time. If I had a bagel at my table, I would eat its entirety within 3 minutes flat. I'm not exaggerating here. I eat fast. Is something wrong with me? Do I just have the impulsive hunger gene embedded in me? There is absolutely nothing that could stop me from wolfing down my food faster than humanely possible. I'm just getting hungry watching that food sit untouched. Ohhh, it's even within arm's reach.
Food really is an interesting topic. It's pretty crazy that we has humans have to buy our food. It is kept under lock and key unless we get jobs, earn money, then give that money back to the system so we can sustain our bodies. It doesn't seem natural. Everybody should grow their own gardens.
I'm currently sitting at a local coffee shop scrunched uncomfortably between two tables. The men sitting at these tables BOTH have bagels & cream cheese sitting in front of them while reading the paper. I do not understand how people can leave food on their plates for long (or even short) periods of time. If I had a bagel at my table, I would eat its entirety within 3 minutes flat. I'm not exaggerating here. I eat fast. Is something wrong with me? Do I just have the impulsive hunger gene embedded in me? There is absolutely nothing that could stop me from wolfing down my food faster than humanely possible. I'm just getting hungry watching that food sit untouched. Ohhh, it's even within arm's reach.
Food really is an interesting topic. It's pretty crazy that we has humans have to buy our food. It is kept under lock and key unless we get jobs, earn money, then give that money back to the system so we can sustain our bodies. It doesn't seem natural. Everybody should grow their own gardens.
Breakfast
Eggs, toast, cereal...what will it be this morning???!!
Eating breakfast is one of the most important times of the day for me. Oh, I'm serious. I dream about breakfast. Generally, food as a whole is always on my mind.
Hmm, good thing I'm in a restaurant 86% of my life (that's including free time too).
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Multitasking
Multitasking- [muhl-tee-tas-king, -tah-sking, muhl-tahy-] concurrent or interleaved execution of two or more Jobs.
It is an interesting topic for my first blog post. Starting a blog has been on my to-do list for months now. Every time that I cross enough items off my to-do list (after multitasking of course), there is that one line I never have the guts to tackle. A blog.
When I woke up this morning, I quickly got dressed, did my morning walk, and ate a healthy breakfast. Next, I sat down to begin being productive so I would have the option of doing fun things later. For some reason, I've always been good at multi-tasking. It enables me to get 4 things done in 5 minutes instead of 4 things done in 40 minutes. I'm used to it, and it's used to me.
Today however, multi-tasking was a little more difficult than usual. I couldn't really explain why..I got 9 hours of sleep and was in a perfectly good mood when I woke up. Instead of being able to make coffee, read the newspaper, go on facebook, and write a birthday card all at the same time...I could only do one thing at a time! It really was the weirdest thing. Then my eye started to twitch and I got a knot in my stomach. "Oh no," I thought..."This was going to be one of those days."
It turns out, it was one of those days. After going to pilates and feeling great..then going to work and feeling awful..I had a baby meltdown in the parking lot at Wholefoods. "I couldn't do this anymore," I thought. I can't do it all. I attempted to do it all. I failed at doing it all. No one can ever do everything that they want to. It really is kind of sad in a way. Multi-tasking only gets you so far before your body pulls in the reins and tells you to slow down. After I realized this, I tried to cheer myself up by strolling through Wholefoods. I thought this would work. I didn't. This was quite surprising as Wholefoods is probably one of my favorite places to be (at all times.)
But what is really the problem here? Am I attempting to take on more than I can really handle? Or am just another young person who has very little experience in the real world. Maybe I just need to be broken in..get a little rough around the edges.
That brings me to another point.... Disappointment. I'm not just talking about being disappointed in yourself. I'm also referencing disappointing others. Since I've moved back to Santa Barbara in January, this topic has been a regular battle going on in my head. I'm either giving up all of my time for someone else/jobs, or I'm taking personal time to enjoy life..thus disappointing others who count on me. Seriously, is the real world really like this? Am I constantly going to be feeling this stress forever? If so, uhh...what fun I'll have to look forward to.
At least my cat is sleeping on my bed today. She never sleeps on my bed.
It is an interesting topic for my first blog post. Starting a blog has been on my to-do list for months now. Every time that I cross enough items off my to-do list (after multitasking of course), there is that one line I never have the guts to tackle. A blog.
When I woke up this morning, I quickly got dressed, did my morning walk, and ate a healthy breakfast. Next, I sat down to begin being productive so I would have the option of doing fun things later. For some reason, I've always been good at multi-tasking. It enables me to get 4 things done in 5 minutes instead of 4 things done in 40 minutes. I'm used to it, and it's used to me.
Today however, multi-tasking was a little more difficult than usual. I couldn't really explain why..I got 9 hours of sleep and was in a perfectly good mood when I woke up. Instead of being able to make coffee, read the newspaper, go on facebook, and write a birthday card all at the same time...I could only do one thing at a time! It really was the weirdest thing. Then my eye started to twitch and I got a knot in my stomach. "Oh no," I thought..."This was going to be one of those days."
It turns out, it was one of those days. After going to pilates and feeling great..then going to work and feeling awful..I had a baby meltdown in the parking lot at Wholefoods. "I couldn't do this anymore," I thought. I can't do it all. I attempted to do it all. I failed at doing it all. No one can ever do everything that they want to. It really is kind of sad in a way. Multi-tasking only gets you so far before your body pulls in the reins and tells you to slow down. After I realized this, I tried to cheer myself up by strolling through Wholefoods. I thought this would work. I didn't. This was quite surprising as Wholefoods is probably one of my favorite places to be (at all times.)
But what is really the problem here? Am I attempting to take on more than I can really handle? Or am just another young person who has very little experience in the real world. Maybe I just need to be broken in..get a little rough around the edges.
That brings me to another point.... Disappointment. I'm not just talking about being disappointed in yourself. I'm also referencing disappointing others. Since I've moved back to Santa Barbara in January, this topic has been a regular battle going on in my head. I'm either giving up all of my time for someone else/jobs, or I'm taking personal time to enjoy life..thus disappointing others who count on me. Seriously, is the real world really like this? Am I constantly going to be feeling this stress forever? If so, uhh...what fun I'll have to look forward to.
At least my cat is sleeping on my bed today. She never sleeps on my bed.
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